An Irredeemable Supervillain

CS: Okay, I know what you said. I respect it. But please, just this once, I need your help.

MM: Oh come on, Cal.

CS: I swear I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t really, really need your… your kindness. And wisdom. You’re good at those things, Mel. This is bigger than me.

MM: SIGH. Okay. What is it?

CS: terfs have decided I support their cause.

MM: What?

CS: On Chitter. My name is trending! Go and look.

MM: I’ve only just picked up my phone.
Hang on

Oh
Wow
I can’t believe someone said that!
Good lord, they really are awful.

CS: You haven’t seen my DMs

MM: Yuck. Can you block them all?

CS: It’d take me all week to block ALL of them!
But anyway, that’s not the point! I have to DO something! I know I’m an irredeemable supervillain who lives in a hollowed out volcano, but I’m not a monster, Mel. Besides, if I don’t say something Jason will never forgive me. What if he leaves? It’s not easy to find a good henchperson!

MM: Well, why haven’t you chittered something?
Your account has 2.7 million followers.
It’ll soon pick up speed. Nip it in the bud.

CS: I don’t know what to say!! What if I get it wrong and say something a bit ambiguous and they twist that?

MM: Doctor Calamity Shade, you’re a supervillain.
Monologuing is what you DO.

CS: Yes, right, yes, I can monologue when I’m, like, pointing a gun at someone and it’s time to explain the plan I’ve been working on for months before I lock some hero in a ridiculously over-complicated, perilous situation, giving them just enough time to escape. I can’t just come up with a pithy 280 character chit!

MM: I don’t believe you sometimes.

CS: You’ve always been better at words than me. Please, Mel? Tell me what to say? Please?

MM: Argh! Fine.
Don’t think you’re going to make a habit of this.

CS: I promise I promise!

MM: Okay, let me think.

CS: Thank you thank you!

MM: I haven’t done anything yet!

CS: I’ll shut up 😀

MM: You do that.

All right…
How about…
I may live in a volcano & own a zettawatt laser. I may’ve done things that were… not ideal. I’ve stepped back since my battle with Ms Flamingo. People do change. Everyone has a right to be who they are & everyone deserves unconditional love #TransMenAreMen #TransWomenAreWomen

CS: Oh
That’s lovely
It’s so lovely I’ll even overlook that mention of you beating me in our last fight 😉

MM: It needs that.
Gives me an excuse to rechit you.

CS: Of course 😉
Does it definitely fit?

MM: Yes, I checked! Just paste it in and press send.

CS: Okay! I’ve done it!
Thank you xxx

MM: You’re welcome.
There. I’ve RCed. Between us, that should sort it.

CS: Thank you. Again.
So
Everyone?
Really, everyone?

MM: Yes, everyone.

CS: Even…

MM: Especially irredeemable supervillains, you enormous twit.

CS: I miss you.

MM: I need to go. This has to be a one-off. Boundaries.

CS: I understand 😦
Bye bye x

MM: Wait
Hang on
What do you need Jason for if you’ve retired?
Cal?

CS:


Author’s notes
A little piece of flash that I wrote for Codex‘s Flash, Saviour of the Universe 2021 contest. If you’re a published author of speculative fiction, and you’re not a member of the Codex writers’ group, why not pop over and join? January’s Weekend Warrior flash fiction contest will be here before we know it…

I’m also an associate editor at the horror podcast, PseudoPod. General submissions open on 1st September. Send us your stories!


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© Kat Day 2021